There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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