i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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