eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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