I just threw up on my dentist
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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