This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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