At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
