Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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