Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
