omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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