omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
no, he came in my armpit
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
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