You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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