I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
That accounts for only three of the penises
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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