i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You are a genius and a whore.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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