I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
