I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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