I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
