i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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