its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
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Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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