Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
