I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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