how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
