Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
