I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
