She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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