The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
