it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
