I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
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I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
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There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize