I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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