ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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