Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
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i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
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the liver wants what the liver wants
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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