Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
