Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
