here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
