To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
