Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
