I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
