: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
