so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
