Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Girls should come with a carfax report
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
What a dumb baby whore.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
