That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
