I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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