I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize