wakey wakey hands off snakey
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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