grandma shit on top of the toilet
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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