Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
