Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
