Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
