Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
