don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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