im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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