The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
