watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
