i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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