I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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