maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i drank out of a bidet.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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