I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
