areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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