the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
