oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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