Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
