i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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