we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
