if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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