what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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