the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
