What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
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i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face