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I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
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