Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom