My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier