So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
