Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down