Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
