I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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