somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
