He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
