I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
