In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I hate all girls vehemently.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
