stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
