Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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