Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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