I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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