I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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