My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
