yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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