was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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