I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
