I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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