he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It's rum buckets o'clock
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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