The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
