Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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