He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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