Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
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Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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